"They received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so." ~ Acts 17:11

"No Man Is An Island!"®

By:

© Ben Hanneman

July 20, 2007

  Chapter One  ~  Chapter Two  ~  Chapter Three  ~  Chapter Four  ~  Chapter Five

Chapter One

Men are not islands. That's so important I think I'll type it again. So, once more with feeling! 

Men are not islands!

It may seem obvious to us to say that. But consider how you might answer these questions:

• When was the last time you had a good, wholesome, heart-to-heart, God-centered conversation with another man?
• When was the last time you and another man prayed together outside of church?
• When was the last time you shared a Bible study or even one verse of scripture with another man outside of church?

Never? Or at least not in a while? Sounds like an island to me, at least in a spiritual sense. Let's look closer.

An island – the real kind, with palm trees, sand and even a coconut – has many unique qualities. An island is:

• Alone.
• Out in the middle of nowhere.
• Not drawn toward other islands.
• Surrounded by nothing. 
• Tough to reach without great effort (either by swimming, by boat, or by aircraft).

In many ways, when it comes to the things of God many men either act like an island or feel like one:

• Alone.
• Out in the middle of nowhere.
• Not drawn toward others.
• Surrounded by nothing.
• Tough to reach without great effort.

Like I said, islands, spiritually that is.

As is the case with most men, you probably have a great deal going on in your life. Maybe you play golf. Maybe you own a business. Maybe you do things that thrust you out into the public quite often. Maybe you even invite the guys over to watch Monday Night Football. However, when it comes to what really matters – church, God, the Bible, prayer, all that religious stuff – maybe you feel as much like an island as that uncharted one with the S. S. Minnow, Gilligan, the Skipper, the Professor and Maryanne.

Stephen Strang, author of "Old Man, New Man" writes that a friend of his told him,

"Many men want a meaningful men's ministry, but churches fail to provide it, so men choose to remain an island – even in church."

You see, believe it or not, we have almost totally bought into the world's thinking with regard to relationships. Not with our wives necessarily, although that is true in some cases as well.

We have taken a bite of the apple, so to speak. We have been convinced that the apple of isolation is pleasing to the eye. We have sunk our teeth into an apple of solitude and machismo that our enemy has subtly convinced us is good and something to be desired. And, since we have taken that bite, we have nearly completely swallowed the message the world around us has given us about relationships with other Godly men. For centuries our society has consistently hammered us with a definition of what it means to be a man. Over and over and over and over and over again – GET THE IDEA YET? The world's messages have told us in a number of different ways that a real man is:

• macho,
• shows no emotions,
• acts tough,
• looks rugged,
• probably drives a truck and,
• runs as the lone wolf.

Our society has also told us that we should get as much as we can for ourselves as fast as we can, right? It's an "every man for himself" attitude and it's been around since the beginning of time, hasn't it?

We may play golf with our buddies on occasion. We may hunt with our buddies in the fall of the year. And we may even have dinner with our buddies every so often. But other than that, we've got to work to pay for that extra car, run here and there to land that big account and hustle so you can keep that big boat at the nearby marina.

We've heard that message for so long that we've bought into it, haven't we? We've tried our best to be macho. We've tried our best not to show emotions. We've tried our best to act tough. We've even worn tough looking clothes. We've bought pickup trucks and fast cars with loud exhausts, boats, jet skis, ATVs, the latest in computer technology and, of course, hunting stuff. We've worked long hours and we've run around at times like the lone wolf, doing our own thing. 

Admit it, men! I've done it too! In other words, we've conformed to what the world has set before us, haven't we?

The word conform comes from a Latin word meaning, "to shape after." 

The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word conform this way; "To act in accordance with current customs or modes".

The Greek words for conform comes from the Greek word suschematizo (say: soos-khay-mah-tid'-zo) meaning "to fashion alike" and from sustrepho (soos-tref-o) which means "to twist together."

Word history aside, the fact still remains that we as men have indeed been shaped after the world in much of our thinking, haven't we? It's not really anyone's fault. That's the way our fathers raised us and that's the way his father raised him, right? It's a pattern and we've been conformed to it, fashioned alike, twisted together with those who say that a real man is the strong, silent, independent type.

But the Bible warns us about conforming in the Apostle Paul's letter to the Romans.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (2 Timothy 3:16), Paul instructed the followers of Christ in Rome not to be fashioned alike or to be twisted together with the pattern of this world. The Romans often engaged in various rites, rituals and practices that were detestable and sinful in God's sight and according to God's written laws. God's people of that day were not to take part in those practices and Paul was the vessel through which God reminded his people that they were separate and to behave as such.

These thousands of years later, are things really any different? As in the New Testament, many today engage in rites, rituals and practices that are detestable and sinful in God's sight and according to God's written law, the Bible. The command Paul received and wrote then still rings true for us in the 21st century.  And yes, it is a command. Paul did not use the words "Try not to be conformed …" There is something very commanding about the words "Do not" just as there is with God's words "Thou shalt" and "Thou shalt not."

As God's children we are not be fashioned alike with the world, in other words, with those who do not have relationship with God through Jesus Christ. We are not to be twisted together with those who follow the pattern of the world. When we allow ourselves to be twisted together with those who do not have a relationship with God through Jesus the danger is that we will begin to look, act and sound like them.

Consider three strands of string, yarn or jute that make up a rope. Those three strands may start out as different colors at first. But to make the rope those separate strands are twisted together. In that twisting of those separate strands pieces of one rope will intermingle with pieces of another rope. Then, to make the rope even stronger, those strands that have been twisted together are dipped in some chemicals. Those chemicals not only strengthen the rope, but they also dye the strands the same color. In the end, the strands that make up the rope look the same. 

In a spiritual sense we who have a relationship are not to look the same as the world. We are to be separate from the world. We are to think differently from the world. We are to behave differently from the world. Part of that responsibility includes forming relationships with other Godly men. The pattern of the world tells us to seek after self. The pattern of the Lord tells us to seek after serving, to seek after others, to seek after relationship with others of similar faith. 

To do otherwise would be to conform to this world, wouldn't it?

For many of us, though, separating ourselves from the pattern of this world takes a change in our minds, a change in our way of thinking, and a change in our hearts. I know it did for me. Simply phrased, that renewing of our mind that Paul wrote about stems from only one thing: repentance!

Typically, when we think of repentance we think of a sinner kneeling at the altar with tears streaming down his or her face in a visible sign of being broken over some horrible sin or misdeed. Granted, that type of visible sign is a clear indication of a repentant spirit. But, simply stated, to repent means, "To think differently."

In that sense we need to repent every day as the Lord begins to reveal himself and his will through the Holy Spirit and the Bible.

So, here are some questions we would do well to ask ourselves:

• How differently are we beginning to think even now, men?
• Are we seeing how the world has fed us a lie about what it means to be a real man?
• Are we beginning to think that we should really change our thinking about being that lone wolf all the time?
• Are you thinking about the last time you had a good, wholesome, heart-to-heart, God-centered conversation with another man and how blessed you felt afterwards?
• Are you thinking about the last time you and another man prayed together outside of church and how you couldn't wait to hear that prayer answered?
• Are you thinking about the last time you shared a Bible study or even one verse of scripture with another Godly man outside of the church building?

I pray that we will begin being transformed by the renewing of our minds today! It's a guaranteed one-way ticket off that island of ours!

Chapter Two

At the end of chapter one we began to see how important it is that we change our thinking about relationships with other Godly men. In this chapter, we'll examine more closely why we are not to be islands, spiritually or otherwise.

Now, maybe you don't feel quite like a spiritual island at the moment. That's great! Fantastic! Praise God! We need to hang around you! But maybe you have felt like an island at some point in your past. If that's so, please know that it doesn't have to be that way. Now or ever again. Why?

Because men all over the world, men just like you and me, even that man seated next to you at Church – the one you know by face rather than name – were not created to be islands. Ever!

We were created for... Relationship!

How can I say that? Simple. For one, read:

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:18)

We all know the story. We've heard it many times in our lives.

Almighty God created Adam and placed him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Genesis 2:15). But of all the creating God did, he hadn't yet made anything "meet" or "suitable" for the man. Adam was an island, if you will. He was alone, at least in terms of human companionship. He obviously wasn't drawn to anyone else. He wasn't surrounded by anything but garden and animals.

And God said something about that specific condition, didn't he? What exactly did God say about that?

He said, "It is NOT GOOD that man should be alone."

Let's examine that phrase "not good" for a moment. This is the first time that anything "not good" has been introduced in the garden, am I right? Up to this very moment, all that God had created was called what exactly?

"... and God saw that it was good."

Could we say that God was the foremost authority on the word "good"? He certainly was in the garden and, he still is today, isn't he? So, if God said it was good, it was good. On the flip side, if God said it was NOT good, brothers, it was NOT good. Help me out here. If it's not good, by definition then it is what? Bad.

God said that it was bad for Adam, or man, to be alone. Why? Because he was created for fellowship or relationship. How do we know this to be true? Because, God just said it!

How many of you know that God does not change? Of all the things God is able to do, he just frankly is not able to change. People say, "Oh, God can do anything!" Well, that just ain't true, is it? He can't lie. He can't cheat. He also cannot change. He's the same yesterday, today and forever, am I right? So, why in the world would he change his mind about this? He hasn't. God said it is not good for man to be alone. Period!

Aren't you glad that God did not stop with just saying something about Adam's condition? How many times do we diagnose a situation but then never do anything about it? How many times have we made a judgment but then never even lifted a finger to make that situation better? How many times do we gossip about someone's situation but then never so much as pick up the phone to ask them how we can help?

I, for one, am glad that God didn't just make a judgment about Adam's condition and then leave it alone. No, men, God went ahead and did something about that situation. God saw a situation that was not good and he made something good out of it.

God formed woman to be a helper suitable for him.

Relationship!

Sadly, as we all know so well, mankind fell from a relationship with God. But even after God ordered everyone out of the garden pool, God did not destroy Adam and Eve. God certainly had every right to blot him out and start over, didn't he? He even had the power to erase what he'd created. But he didn't.

What did God do instead?

Out of his unending supply of mercy and grace God provided for them.

"Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them." (Genesis 3:21)

Why?

Relationship!

The bottom line is this. God desired relationship with Adam and Eve and God also desires relationship with us. As we've just seen, God has desired a relationship with mankind from the very beginning. In fact, God has desired a relationship with us so much that over hundreds of years he spoke through the Holy Spirit into the lives of several holy men. To each of those men God gave words to write, words that spelled out exactly what mankind needed to do – and still needs to do – to begin a relationship with him.

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you -- even Jesus." (Acts 3:19)

Relationship!

But God didn't stop there. He also told these men to write down specific ways to make the relationship they did have with God even stronger.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." (James 4:8)

Relationship!

Truth be told, the Bible is more about relationship than about religion. The Bible certainly has been used as a starting point for many denominations and religions. In some cases it has been used correctly. In other cases it has been used incorrectly. But rightly or wrongly, the Bible is about relationship not religion.

I made that statement once in front of one of my college roommates, a religion major of all things. He wanted scripture to back that up and at the time I wasn't able to quote him chapter or verse. Now, though, I think that I have a better understanding that the theme of relationship runs throughout the entire scripture, from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21.

Here are some specific verses:

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:1-2)

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Eccles. 4:9-10)

The Bible IS indeed about relationship. From cover to cover all of scripture revolves around the unmistakable fact that God desires that all mankind be with him in heaven forever.

"The Lord is … patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)

"I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." (John 14:3-4)

Relationship!

On top of that, the Bible gives us specific ways to help us in our relationships with other people.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16)

Never thought of yourself as an island before? Good! Neither has God. He never considers anyone an island and neither should we.

Chapter Three

Relationship!

What exactly is it, anyway?

We've agreed that relationship is important, but now we need a definition so that we can all start on the same page. A group of men far more intelligent than I am have defined relationship this way:

• "A specified state of affairs existing among people related to or dealing with one another." (American Heritage Dictionary)

Because I'm no brainiac I prefer a more simple definition and perhaps you will too. Simply put, relationship can be defined as:

"How it is between you (or me) and someone else."

Put another way, a relationship is a connection, of some sort, between:

• God and man (woman),
• Man (woman) and God,
• Man and woman,
• Man (woman) and a child or,
• Man and man.

As Christians, obviously, the most important relationship we have is the one with God through Christ Jesus, empowered by the Holy Spirit. No other earthly or horizontal relationship truly works or grows into anything lasting or significant unless our relationship with God – a vertical one – is solid and growing.

God

Human      Human

We've all seen diagrams like the one above, which show that as we get closer to God, we get closer to the other person as well. While this concept has typically been applied only to a husband-wife relationship, it certainly can be true of Godly relationships between men.

For this workshop, we are going forward with the understanding that everyone here has some sort of relationship with God. We are taking it for granted, sort of, that each one of us has at some point in our lives asked God to forgive us our sins and asked Jesus to be Lord of our lives.

If by chance you have never repented and asked Jesus into your heart – if you have never been saved, in other words – we invite you to do just that before our next meeting.

This interactive workshop focuses on relationships between men, accountability relationships to be exact. Sadly, our society as a whole places very little importance on relationships between men – Godly relationships, that is. Instead, we are bombarded with an open acceptance by our world of ungodly relationships between both men and women.

At the same time, we men have always been taught by our society that we are to be the strong, silent, solitary ones. We are the hunters. We are the studs. We are to be the emotionally stable ones. We are to be unwavering. We don't cry! We don't show our feelings. We can go it alone and get things done by ourselves, right?

Don't believe me? Just look at all of us who refuse to ask for directions! And, what about all of us who never actually read those directions when we're putting our boys' toys together.

Men, we have been programmed by the world around us to be islands. We've been brainwashed into living, working and playing by ourselves! We've been conditioned into flying solo in so many areas in life that it has carried over into our spiritual lives. And, we no longer realize that we have a choice in whether to be an island or not. We're convinced that a real man is an island.

In his book "The Man in the Mirror", Patrick Morely describes the situation this way;

"Some of us have invested our whole life to 'be our own boss' for the very goal that we won't have to answer to anyone! Others of us, confidential by nature, don't want someone else intruding on our private lives. And still others of us have an interest, but we are unsure of what accountability actually is, and how to go about it."

Because we are unsure, we stay on our island. We go with what we know. We go with what is comfortable. We go with what is safe. We go with what is familiar. In other words, we CONFORM TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD, even though the Bible tells us not to do so!

And the devil loves every minute of it.

Why?

Because he knows that there is strength in numbers.

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:10)

We are weakest when we are alone. The devil knows this all too well and does his best to wear us down when we are alone, when we are firmly encamped on our islands.

So, how do we get off that island? How can we be rescued?

Begin a relationship, specifically an accountability relationship with another brother in the Lord. Look for another man who will be that second and that third who will gather with you in the presence of the Lord.

How?

• First, pray. God will lead you, believe me. He did me.
• Second, realize that any one of a number of things trigger a relationship.

One of the best ways to begin a relationship with anyone is simply by asking questions of that other person. I don't mean the standard questions we all know and use most often, like;

• "Hey, how's it going?"
• "How are you?"
• "What's up?"

Those questions are good in their own way and those questions can even be the basis of a relationship, a superficial one, but a relationship nonetheless. But those questions have been done to death already, haven't they? Those types of questions aren't very creative. The only answers you're likely to get from those questions are;

• "Pretty good!"
• "Fine!"
• "Not much!"

And you can't always be sure those answers are entirely the truth, can you? How often have you yourself answered, "Fine", when deep down you are really hurting? Well, you're not alone.

The questions I would suggest are those that require a little more thought from the person you are asking. I'm talking about questions like;

• What do you do (for a living)?
• Where do you live?
• What did you do that was fun today?
• Did you get out in the sunshine at all today?
• (Obviously you don't want to ask this one during a hurricane or a monsoon!)
• Did you get out to a restaurant to eat this past week?
• Did you go out for ice cream at all this week?
• What do you like to do in your spare time?

Take it from personal experience, you'll be amazed what you'll find out from that last one! The first time you ask a question like this you may get a few strange looks. Don't be discouraged! This type of question is bound to catch someone off guard the first time. Either that or they're just thinking about how to answer you!

You see, those types of questions ask for specific answers. They call for more than the pat, generic, colorless and BORING lies, uh... I mean "answers" that we talked about earlier. And based on the answers you get, you and that person can begin walking down a certain conversational road if you like, each of you learning something about the other and building a relationship with God as the center.

Each of our lives is like a painter's canvas. The day we are born that canvas is blank. The first color to go on that canvas is from our mother and father. Then, each person we meet, regardless of how little or how much contact we have with them, adds a dab of color to our painting. Each relationship we have, no matter how insignificant we think it may be, contributes a splash of color to our canvas.

So, the next exercise in this workshop is to talk with the man seated next to you. Turn to the one to your right and ask them to tell you something about himself that you didn't know. Even if you've known that man for years and have spent a great deal of time with him I'm certain there is something you don't know about him.

If he tells you something you already knew, tell him so and ask him for something else. Keep in mind that he is not required to tell you anything earth-shattering or deep. If he does, great! But he doesn't have to! (And you don't either when it comes to your turn.) Maybe he shot a 96 during his last round of golf and not the 46 he claimed he shot! Maybe he likes to trim bonsai trees in his spare time. Maybe he's never read the book of Nahum before. Maybe he collects paper clips. 

Who knows? Whatever it might be, find out. And then write down his name in the space below, along with the startling fact he just told you.

Name: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Something I did not know about him: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________

You now have a bit more color for your canvas, as well as a connecting point for starting a Godly accountability relationship!

Chapter Four

Relationship!

Jesus was the perfect reflection of His father on earth with regard to relationship. In the gospels we read that Jesus poured all of himself entirely into twelve ordinary guys over the course of a few short months. In just 42 months Jesus developed a relationship with each of the men we now know as the 12 disciples. 

What did Jesus do exactly?

• He talked with them.
• He taught them.
• He counseled them.
• He preached to them.
• He hugged them.
• He scolded them.
• He praised them.
• He cooked for them.
• He ate with them.
• He laughed with them.
• He cried with them.

Now, that's relationship! And as a result of that fellowship and relationship each one of those twelve men knew everything about Jesus and he knew all there was to know about them. They knew his favorite food. They knew what made each other happy. They knew what made one another angry. They likely even knew what kinds of sandals were most comfortable.

How many men in our church have we counseled? How many men in our church have we had breakfast, lunch or dinner with recently? How much do we know about the other men in our church? Do we know what another man in church likes most to eat? Do we know what makes another man in our church happy, sad or angry? Do we know what kind of shoes he wears? 

Do we care?

If we don't, we should! After all, as the old Indian saying goes, "We have to walk a mile in them before we can truly know a man," don't we?

Note that the majority of the fellowship Jesus had with people – his disciples included – took place outside of the temples or the churches of that time. When Jesus did interact with those inside the church walls he was either reading the scripture to them, overturning the tables of those who had made God's house a den of thieves or pointing out flaws in their behavior.

"You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil." (Matthew 12:34, 35) NASB

"But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in." (Matthew 23:13) NASB

As a result, Jesus went out of and away from the temple and walked to where he knew people would be most open to receiving God's gift of love. In a manner of speaking, we could say that Jesus left the church, in terms of a physical building, that is. He met with his disciples on their boats. He healed others in their homes. He fed some on the beach and others on the side of a mountain. In short, he went to where they lived, worked and played. He went to where the people were and spent time with them. He formed relationships with people in their living rooms, if you will, where he knew they might receive his words best.

You see, Jesus knew what we need to get through our heads if we are going to be used of God at all. We need to wrap our minds around the fact that people will be more open to listen in a place where they are the most comfortable. And for the majority of people the most comfortable place in the world is in their home, specifically in their living room. People also feel relatively comfortable or safe at their kitchen table, but that's usually reserved for family or other really close friends. Outside their homes, folks feel pretty safe and comfortable on the deck or maybe in a coffee shop or perhaps even in a restaurant over a piece of hot apple pie. But for the most part, we feel most comfortable in our homes, don't we?

As for the most uncomfortable place in the world? You guessed it. For many the most uncomfortable place in the world is in a church. Any church. That's not to say that churches are a bad place to be. It's just that given a choice many do not like to be in church any more than they have to be, like, say, for a wedding or a funeral. So, they stay home or go on vacation or plan other things during normal church hours.

How about you? 

Where do you feel the most comfortable?

Where do you like to spend most of your free time? 

(There is no wrong answer. This is just designed to get us to think about where we would be most open to talk openly with someone else.)

Chapter Five

Relationship!

Because many men either don't or won't go to church, we who are in the church ought to go to them, right? And that's where we come in. Or, at least, that's where the scripture tells us we come in.

Just prior to Jesus ascending into Heaven, He instructed His disciples:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19, 20) NASB

Are we doing that? Let me propose that if we were doing that our churches would be filled to overflowing. But, we are busy after all, right? We're tired. We're on vacation. We're afraid. We're this. We're that. No matter the reason (or lame excuse), we're also missing out. 

Missing out on what, you ask?

• On revelation!
• On freedom!
• On love!

In other words, on Relationship. Let's look at each one.

Revelation:

Because Jesus and his disciples spent a great deal of time together during the last three and a half years of Jesus' life, they learned a great deal about each other. Relationship has a way of revealing various things to those who are involved in it. In my accountability relationship with my prayer partner it was revealed to me that he is a control freak. It was revealed to him that I need to work on being more merciful and gracious. But that's another story for another time.

My point is that men in general don't like things like that revealed, to their wives, to their girlfriends, to anyone, let alone another man in or out of their church. Men today don't like to reveal that they have a problem with pornography. Men today don't like to reveal that they have a problem with alcohol or gambling or lust or whatever. That sort of revelation involves risk; risk of ridicule, risk of losing friends, risk of appearing vulnerable, risk of appearing weak. And none of us wants to do that on purpose, do we? So, we run to our islands, almost guaranteeing that nothing about our weaknesses will be revealed.

However, to fully realize our potential as men of God we must consider what the scripture says about our weaknesses:

"And he (God) said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in (your) weakness.' Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:9) KJV

God promises to exchange our weakness for his strength. That strength is revealed best as men of God meet together to minister to each other, "as iron sharpens iron". (Proverbs 27:17)

The relationship between Jesus and Peter revealed that Jesus was indeed, "... the Christ, the Son of the Living God." (Matthew 16:13) In that day and time, that sort of information could not, and would not, have come from any living being. It was unheard of. It was, simply. divine revelation! And, Jesus confirmed that it was indeed divine revelation when he said;

"Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 16:17)

But that revelation only came Peter's way after he had spent hours, days, weeks, months and years with Jesus, talking, arguing, shouting, debating and even being rebuked, all of which can and does happen even in Godly relationships. No, the revelation that Jesus was the Messiah did not just come to Peter out of the blue after one afternoon of fishing or going to the store for new sandals or to repair a net. They had fellowship and relationship with one another.

And, Peter wasn't the only one to receive revelation as a result of their time with Jesus:

• John – who has been dubbed "The Beloved" – was given the book of Revelation on the Isle of Patmos, most likely because he had spent so much time with God's only begotten son.
• Thomas finally had the truth revealed to him even after years of doubting.

If these men – mere fishermen and the ordinary blue collar workers of their day – received that sort of revelation from a relationship with Jesus, what kind of revelation could we receive from a relationship with God and with other men of God?

"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things [like revelation!] to them that ask [or have relationship with] him?" (Matthew 7:11) 

The possibilities are endless! But it stems first from relationship!

Freedom:

When we are too busy to form relationship, we also miss out on freedom. Relationship leads to freedom.

• Freedom to express.
• Freedom to receive.
• Freedom to minister.
• Freedom to share.
• Freedom to worship openly.
• Freedom to be vulnerable.
• Freedom to succeed.
• Freedom to laugh.
• Freedom to cry.
• Freedom to fail.

As we mentioned before, men don't like to fail. No one does, but especially not us men. Even the idea of failure makes our stomach hurt. As a football coach once told his charges, "Winning may not be everything, but losing is nothing!"

Even the thought that we could fail drives our blood pressure sky high. But we learn best from our failures, don't we? In fact, studies show that we learn more from our failures and our mistakes than we do from our successes. Ask Thomas Edison about his mistakes. We wouldn't have the light bulb and many of his other inventions if he had not failed so many times.

We all know that baseball players fail more often than they succeed. Hitting the ball well three times out of ten is considered phenomenal in baseball. Anywhere else that would be considered horrible and we would likely lose our jobs if we had that low a success rate. (Notice I said "success rate", not failure rate!)

It's not whether we fail that makes us a failure, because let's face it, everyone fails. It's what we do AFTER a particular failure that makes us a failure or not. It's the same with relationship. If we as men retreat to our island again after a failed attempt at a relationship we are bound to that island and its borders. Instead, our approach should be to take what we learned from that experience and do it differently the next time. Who knows? What you learned might in fact help keep another man from having to endure that same hardship. But we as men are never going to experience that until we first spend the time necessary in an accountability relationship to establish that freedom and openness.

Love:

Finally, if we decide for whatever reason not to take part in an accountability relationship – and it is indeed a decision we make – we miss out on the greatest of all gifts: Love.

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13)

We are called by God's word to love one another. Depending on the individual, that certainly can be a tall order. For one reason or another we seem to get along extremely well with some people right away, don't we? Call it chemistry, call it clicking, call it what you will, there seems to be an instant bond between certain people. Between others, that bond takes longer to develop. Regardless, if we are not willing to put in at least a little bit of time, effort and energy into the relationship we have no chance to develop a Godly love between men like that of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament.

David and Jonathan were best of friends. They became friends even though the relationship between David and King Saul, Jonathan's father, was not the best. King Saul hated David and wanted to kill him. Yet, Jonathan remained faithful to David.

"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." (1 Samuel 18:1)

Jonathan likely would have given his life for David. He loved him that much. Peter, James, John and all the rest of Jesus' disciples loved Jesus that much! They loved Jesus so much that they were willing to die for Jesus and it was all because of the personal relationship they had developed with each of them over a relatively short period of time. 

While many of Jesus' disciples denied any relationship with Jesus, in the end many of them did indeed die for their association with Jesus. Peter was so moved by his relationship with Jesus that when it came time for him to die he refused to be crucified in an upright position because he was not worthy to die in the same manner as his master. The ultimate dedication these men exhibited for Jesus stemmed the relationship they had with him. We would do well to learn from that lesson alone.

So here's the question:

Are we willing to die for another man in our church?

We need to be, but I dare say that many of us are not. I am not. That's because I have not yet developed any of my relationships to that point. I say "Yet" because I am working on it. I have a long way to go. We all do, don't we? Think about that! When we get to the point where we are ready to die for other men – in our church or not – we'll begin to experience a freedom in every area of our lives like we have never felt before! We will sing like we've never sung before. We will worship like we've never worshiped before! We will meet like we've never met before! We will minister to one another like we've never ministered to each other before!

When that begins to happen, our faults and our weaknesses and our flaws will not matter! Our shortcomings will have been shared with our accountability partner. We will have worked them out, and "iron will be sharpening iron". When that begins to happen not only will we LIKE the man we are seated next to in the church pew, but we will LOVE him with such a love that we can't help but raise our hands together in worship. We will love each other so much that we can't help put our arms around each other to pray one for another and cry out to God together and have all things common together.

Sounds like what heaven will be, doesn't it? But we don't have to wait until we get to heaven to have that! And think of the potential when that happens! Men, it will be just like the Acts 2 church!

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

Sometimes I wonder if our approach to church growth is what it needs to be. I wonder if we aren't a bit too numbers oriented when we ought to be relationship oriented. I wonder if we don't try to do it ourselves too much. Instead, I wonder if we might do better to do it like the Acts 2 church did. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. In other words, they devoted themselves to developing relationships with one another first and foremost.

What do we devote ourselves to these days? What if we spent that time devoting ourselves to relationships with other men within the church?

What happened as a result of the devotion by the Acts 2 church?

"And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

This idea could revolutionize the churches across America! Think of the revivals we could have! We would flow in such oneness, freedom and love that the Holy Spirit would have his way like never before!

But it starts small, like tossing a pebble in a pond starts a ripple that can turn into a wave. And that's where we come in. We can begin by starting an accountability relationship with one other man sitting here with us tonight. Or if we already have someone in mind outside of this group we can begin by meeting with them on a regular basis.

Below, write down the name of the one you have in mind for an accountability relationship: __________________________________________________________________________________________________

Contact that person this week about the idea of meeting regularly. Starting an accountability relationship is that simple!

Relationship!

Ben Hanneman is editor and publisher of Auburn Sports Digest, Riner, VA, and author of "No Man Is An Island!".

 Chapter One  ~  Chapter Two  ~  Chapter Three  ~  Chapter Four  ~  Chapter Five

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